[Routers] 1 April 2015, Los Angeles 12:01am UTC
Fadi Chehadé, CEO of ICANN announced today major changes in the internationalization of ICANN, the Internet Corporation for Names and Numbers, as well as changes in other ICANN plans and activities. These changes will take effect immediately.
"To promote greater international equity in ICANN proceedings, we have decided to phase out English as our lingua franca," Chehadé announced. From now on, material written diplomatically will be distributed in French, the historical language of diplomacy. All other formal communications will use Arabic. In this way, top management at ICANN will be able to follow activities of the ICANN community clearly and effectively.
In addition, ICANN will rotate IANA approval e-mails in random order through the entire ISO country code list, rather than just US/NTIA. Each half month, a different country's appropriate governmental body will handle approval e-mails. Uruguay is first in line, handling approvals for 1-15 April, followed by Kazakhstan. An anonymous spokesperson for IANA admitted that "timing of TLD requests may affect your results."
In the interests of continuity and stability of ICANN, Fadi Chehadé announced that at the end of his term, his son will take over as President and CEO of ICANN. In preparation, Chehadé intends to make every effort to solidify I* (pronounced "I czar") dominance for his reign. Chehadé notes that the conflict is likely to be waged using their preferred weapon, 'poison press releases.'
ICANN's Los Angeles Headquarters will shortly be moved to the Queen Elizabeth II, which was recently purchased using ICANN auction proceeds, and which will provide a movable extraterritorial base for stable and secure future operations. The tradition of regional meetings will be retained as the QE2 sails between countries and continents.
In line with its new extraterritorial status, ICANN will apply for UN membership, and has just designated John Jeffrey to be its first ambassador to that body. Jeffrey, a U.S. citizen whose native language is Privileged and Confidential Californian, said that he planned to promote it as an additional UN official language. Further, as part of its plan to transition itself to country status, ICANN has taken by eminent domain the two-letter domain ".IC" The ISO and the government of the Canary Islands have been notified of this change. ICANN expects also to apply for membership in the GAC and to take an active part in its proceedings.
After almost 15 years of effort, ICANN committees studying the evolution of WHOIS have found a solution to the thorny issues plaguing their progress. "We have decided rather to create a WHOISN'T service for people who were never born," explained one member of a committee who requested anonymity, "We don't know who those people are because they never were, so we couldn't care less about what happens to their data."
In a long overdue evolution of ICANN's tradition of open discussion, the public forum will undergo substantial revision. At future public forums, the community will sit on stage, and the Board and staff will line up behind microphones and tell them what to do.
ICANN congratulates the CWG for making such rapid progress. In the tradition of digital archery, the CWG has adopted the principle of planetary archery, and has recommended that IANA reviews be scheduled for each total solar eclipse, with the review committee consisting of representatives from each country observing at least 80% of totality. In appreciation of its service to the community, the CWG will be honored at its forthcoming 100th meeting by being awarded the coveted Sisyphus Perseverance Award, named after the Greek God Sisyphus, who really got the ball rolling.
Until the ship sails, ICANN is still located at 12025 Waterfront Drive in Los Angeles, California, USA.